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5 One Liners for Poor People on Dates

2 years ago

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No money, no honey…not funny!

“The last time I got a date they were on sale at the grocery store!”
“Great idea! But you wouldn’t believe this if it weren’t true… I’m allergic to expensive Sushi restaurants!”
“When I look into your eyes I see my broke, empty bank account future…”
“Yeah, but why drive out to the movie theater when we got a good ole fashioned digital antenna over at my house?”
At Home Dinner Date Scenario— “Welcome! How do you feel about ramen? Want something to drink? Water it is!”

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Yes, I Wear a Man Purse

4 years ago

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I’ve tried to ignore it, but I can’t anymore . . . I’ve been wearing a man purse!

I own a bag with a bunch of smiley faces on it and on the front of the bag it says SmileTrain. Inside the SmileTrain bag is my tablet, a pair of headphones, and maybe some DVDs from the library I checked out, but not much else, really.

Then I started using the bag as a purse.

Everybody knows the joke from the movie The Hangover with Zach Galifianakis.

Oh, I’d say to myself. Did I just buy a chocolate bar I need to save for later?

And I would think how convenient it was to have my SmileTrainbag in that moment.

Then there was the time I spilled coffee on my T-shirt in public and went to the bathroom to take that shirt off and button up my button up . . . that was convenient too.

Tonight there’s snow outside and I sit in this coffeehouse listening to renditions of the most popular Lorde song sung by two young bearded guys with glasses and winter caps, a duo called Stone Heart, with a thumpy drum, an electric guitar, and a microphone and of course my feet are wet because I didn’t wear my galoshes and instead I’m in my Walmart brand sneakers so I take my socks off and it’s in this moment I realize when I place my folded up elastic socks inside my SmileTrain bag . . . I wear a man purse!

Should I get rid of it?

Why on earth would I do that? My positivity coach gave it to me! Do you understand? My positivity coach gave me a bag which says SmileTrain on it!

But what I really want to know is are teenagers going to make fun of me when they see me walking down the street?

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These are the consequences I must face.

Have you ever asked a girl if she would carry something for you? Every male has done this to a woman because if it wasn’t your girlfriend it was with your mother, grandmother, sister or aunt.